1.reflection
Nov.20th
Became sicker.In bad condition for 3 days and no sign of recovery.Completed the fantastic book talking about the tale of Wall Street,then borrowed new books with a terrible shock by Finance.The requirement of maths is quite harsh,also for I viewed the English version.Nevertheless,the knowledge in the very field was a barrier to me.
I decided to exert into maths and computer simautaneously,since Li Kai told me I should have a superb command in the two subjects.Also,the basic knowledge of finance and English should not be neglected.The task seems a little bit oppressive for me to fulfill since I am obliged to prepare TEM8 and driving license at the same time.
Judy was addicted to "Prison Break" and stayed up late watching it till 5 o'clock,while I was watching EVA till 6:20.It appears that we are both insane by the ineffable pressure.
Lifted a call from the HR of NESTLE,to congraduate me passing the exam and prepare to go for interview next day.The anxiety didn't delight me any more.Started to try on the suit taken from home,and was scared after I dressed on the trousers:that was so fat that I can put one and a half fists.I had to borrow a suit from other dorms.However,my shape was too outstanding to dress on,the most skinny person's suit didn't fit me since I seemed like a peasant entering metropolitan first time.Finally,I conceded Auster's,albeit the trousers was too short to hide the socks.It was 24:00 after this process,and I must seek infos of NESTLE and its interview,till 3 o'clock.Made an incredible decision:Get up at 7:30 next morning,which means I only gained 4-hour-sleeping time and didn't account for the hours of floundering.
Nov.21st
Turely up at 7:30。Everyone seemed send their best wishes to me,even though they were originally looking foward to my lossbecause of jealousy.
Got down to preparation according to process of interview searched from Internet.The second step was highlighted as presentation.I copied down every topics demonstrated on net and prepared one by one.Discovered that several topics were repetitive in different versions,which gratified me that It means the possibility of Betting on the topic successfully was quite large.With the chuckle,I prepared 12 pieces of presentation in English,as the time I prepared IELT.
Printed and duplicated the certificates,took a shower,had lunch,dressed up the suit.Eating battercake in suit must be laughed at,so I made it right at dorm.Started off.Arrived at NESTLE(China) after 1 and a half hours.The classical style-building was full of emotional appeal.Everyone around there was well-dressed and foreigners there abounded even in the remote place.
40 minutes Ahead of schedule,Discovered that 4 candidates out of 10 had been there.Called them as "comrade",while recognized them as rivals,since NESTLE's interview consisted of 10 people,while the champion would be only one among them.Exept for my lower degree univrsity,others were all from high degree such as QsyingHua,Peking,DI,BIT and so on.Chosen by NESTLE,they must be the elites in their campus respectively.I had to compete with those people-------from then on,I was in dread unconsciously.
The interview started,group work and totally in English,while there would not be any rest time,even going restroom.
The first step was introduction for partner.My partner was a girl from BIT with the poorest oral English,while mine was moderate.Didn't nervous at all,and passed the first barrier with fluent sentences.
The second step must belong to me for my large-scale exertion on the presentation.Unfounately,the HR told us mildly:“We will come to next step:debate.”I was fainted at once,since I had no experience of debate and didn't know anything about the preparation of debate,while 7 people among the 9 was the member of their campus's debate team.The topic was “The decision should be made caculated rather than inspired.” and I was for the opinion.I intended to grasp the authority of our team at very beginning,while the girl was too agressive and I had to yield and keep gentlenss.She arranged everyone's order and keywords,but no one obeyed the regulation further in the debate.My performance was quite poor with lack of logic and confidence with my English expression.And in the free debate I also did a terrible job,since everyone was hyperactive to invade the counterparts and always 5 people standed up simultaneously as soon as possible and I couldn't react the very topic and it had been changed immediately.Summed up,I had 4 chances to present my point of view,and the total time limited is 20 minutes.During the conclusion,HR said:“You are not the first group,but the best one among all the groups till now.”I started to be aware that I came across a crowd of talants.Before than,the most active person was Angela;the people who commanded English best was Jack;and the people who was most organized-thinking was myself.But these 9 people,seemed to be leg to leg in every field with the 3 people at least.I started to concentrate on the procedure but not the outcome of the interview longer.
The third step was a game called "Sudoku",developed by a sweden,required superb logic thinking and competence.I considered whether I should practice this one week ago and didn't carry it out at last,regretting a lot when I saw the paper.Fotunately,I was well-trained in my logic-thinking and I believe I was brilliant enough,I figure out 80%,and if there would be 1 minute left,I would have figure all out.I discovered that some of them were rough by the game,I believed my performance was not bad.But the girl seating opposite me,who was from Peking Uni and had fulfilled all the game,astonished me badly.I discovered that the God is unfair,since the 5 girls were all quite pretty and top-qualified,taking a perfect command of English,even could they take the priority in the logic game,tell me why...
The fourth step was group discuss again.The topic was a story that a pilot's airplane crashed and he fell down into a forest.14 goods provided to be chosen taking with him required ranking according to priority.Gentlemen and ladies discussed respectively.I controled the leadership at this time and confirmed our principle as well as the value judgment.Our agreement process was quite fluent since we compromised each other well with rare ramification,and time was abundant to decide which one could be the reprsentative.I made the biggest mistake during all the interview at this time:I didn't scramble for the position ascribed to my diffidentness even though no one was interested with this position,or all of us were shy to "steal" this fat task.The boy from QsyingHua obtained the job at eventually.It was said that the champion would be chosen from the two representatives of two teams.14 options were not significant at all,except for the compromise,leadership as well as positive attitude.There was no denying that I lost the positive trend by myself.
To calculate all the procedures,there was no step my performance can be appreciated,even some steps makde me embarrasedand lacated in the marginal position.Albeit the 3rd step was so-so,but it didn't convincing enough since I was no the champion either.All the candidates rushed to the icecream and candy for free before we walked out of the building,I was in deep slience standing at the corner.
Scores of people mentioned the result.I didn't cover up my loss,sincerely said I didn't win honour for BISU.Surely I believed everyone known by me couldn't win in this firece environment,also started to suspect whether Henry Zhong's glory of passing the interview was true or not.
I had to say that English interview was unfair to me since my literary talent could not be demonstrated at all and the speed of thinking in English was another demerit for me which enforced me to be busy defending.There were no step which I could take advantages of,such as creativity,literary ability,knowledgable view,etc.However,the experience also gave me an impressive lesson rather than any interviews before.It's the first time to see so many top talents among the people of the same age,enforcing me to be moderate among them;Experienced the global company's skillful and matural HR management and process,Severe but also humanitive;compared with David Liu's little company,insisted the faith that I will be the employee of a multi-national company but not the individual workshop;communication in English with high strenth emphsized the significance of being in the English-speaking environment;the intense sence of frustration cautions me not only I have a distant road to endeavor for,but also the approaches I should carry out.These will play a vital role during the preparation before overseas study and influence the way of abroad strive.
I believe I will be the top one so long as I enhance the oral English as well as speed of thinking in English.
Nov.22nd
Didn't perk up from the frustration the day before.Rachel asked me to give suggestion of her new opportunity.I was a little bit absent-mindedness,even though my eloquence and stable evidences had no flaw by a fraction.I was dampened in clouds,while I made it far to seek.
Went for the rcruitment of Reuters Technology ltd.All the presentation was in English too and the accent was terrible enough that I even considered the spokesman learnt English from a peasant.
planed to borrow books next day.Stirred myself up.
Nov.23rd
I was striken by the books on finance once again.The major was too abstruse to dedicate into.Took a view of "International Finance"version for postgraduate,didn't understand the formula at all.I was subject to consider my future more carefully.
Paid for the exam fee of TEM8.I will be exausted in the following months.
Forgotten one thing:today is Thanksgiven Festival.Bless everyone who read my witness,as well as myself.Amen.
Nov.24th
Had lunch with Jacob and Tracy,then went home directly.
Called Angela after right arriving.She seemed recovering well and would go back for campus next Tuesday.Told her the procedure of interview.She admonished me that I was the person who need admiration,if not,according to her understanding of me,I will turn my back upon him too.Therefore,we'd rather sought a company which can provide honour to us.She said that I was in dread since the unknown world waiting made me lose my head,but after I accustom the life in Sydney I can lead it more fluently.Typical Angelaism,But it wasn't nonsense.Hesitation arrested my decition's birth for a long time.
Pleased to hear of he news of Angela's revival.We took thought about her illness,then she has been crazy again.She's back.The chats between us always reminded me the memories with PR tong,as well as the departure as closer as time goes on.Owing to the day before's reminding by articals,I unfolded the files of pictures.Sighed once again.
2.Attention!The date I post my witnesses has been changed on every Friday.
3.A series of exams I am looking forward must be a impassible bear for me.Driving license,TEM8,Computer band 2,and I have to strive for Finance,Mathmatics and English,as well as Essay.Maybe I will meet death before I go aboad.
4.Didn't take any books on philosophy at all this time I was back home.
5.Reviewed the verbose articles again.On Ge,on Licky,on PR tong,on Angela,on Rachel,on myself.Was concsious suddenly that I had left numerous memories which I perishing cherished.The I at that time believed I would not neglect anything no matter when I would be dead.Nevertheless,when I read the articles concerning Licky,I discovered that I had left the story 2 years ago from my history.All the memories will wither away if I didn't write it down.For future,I gave up literture,philosophy as well as almost hobbies,even including the memories.Addictted myself to the trivals in life and deemed highly that I had turned to be aware of life itself,which was more meaningful rather than my useless hobbies.on the basis of Weitgenstein's theory.I dropped my history into the bustbin stylishly,and I scorned myself seriously.Even if glory of dignity was gained,that was only a lonesome crown.No one could rub up the mirror reflecting my pastime.I looked down upon me blinded by gain.
6.Happily at home,laughed loudly,or wept silently alone.Photos.Haven't visit this corner for couples of months.Unfolded the ppt of welcoming the freshmen.I was gratified that the ppt comprised by our glory as well as the sentimental life bridged us.My last dream when I am dying is to view laa of my pictures and proses once again.Surely that's like an excuse more than a dream,since it costs several days to cover all of them,and I would not intend to depart after I covered them.
However,I am obliged to depart for Sydney.Could you Give me something more before my departure?An indelibility one more time at least?
7.Will learn driving next monday.Whoever owe me meal,especially Nancy,since long before,Be quick!!!
11.24.2006
11.19.2006
Witness（06-11-19）
1.Reflection.
Nov.13th
Writing the former witness till 4 o'clock,waked up with the eyes in obvious tumefaction,owing to Fu Yang and Zhang Dong's coming at 8:00.The students for class in Broadcasting Institute abounded in the morning,seeming that they were more industrious than us.Zhang Dong registered for several minutes and headed over to the DVD stores around the two campus.Fu Yang began to favor to artistic movies,hence her intention was to buy the Favorite disk but not to visit me.That was the first time to meet Zhang Dong,and my younger sisters were passionate with her coming,the rumor that I would meet my girlfriend-to-be was prevailing several days ago.I was scared since they all have served in PR for at least 1 year,quite aquainted with how to disseminate espacially rumors.I invited the two girls having lunch at 10 o'clock,in order to save time for Fu Yang 's preparation of afternoon's exam.Coming across Jacob when we were about to leave,Fu Yang didn't recognize him though she met him once,and the reason she told me was that he was older in some extension than last time.I told them that should be attributed to his date with Tracy~~~~~~~Slept after their leaving till time to supper.To budget the cost,decided to stay at dorm,trimmed the vocabulary base in a new notebook,and copy all the short messages on the other notebook.It appears that I am addicted into recording everything happen to me in daily life,with over 10 notebooks as proof.I admired myself of being patient enough to have passion on the copy affairs,left apart the affair on back pay and the deducted money.I indulged myself into the memory with the words of messages till merely 190 pieces was in the notebook at 4 o'clock.The sunrise's step was close.
Nov.14th
With the day before's lesson,I made a significant decision that I would keep my sleep till noon in this week.I prosecuted my plan and regretted after I was awake.Time is always limited so long as you intend to keep pace.To keep my pace,I had to go for "Business Week" with a big yawn.I deemed that I was keeping my pace well,indeed.After supper,I went to Mcdonald's to read books as well as memory.The book I dedicated in,called "The Emergence of Wall Street as a World Power",was fantastic enough to make me immerse into and forgot the days last winter.The dorm was just like a reposing room.The admirable bastard Cheng Shuyi was lying in his coffin-like bed,with a stolen pillow from Zhang Fan.That's why I felt disgusted as long as I walked into the room,but not the only one.The next day would tell you the story about the fucking dorm as well as the ruffians living in.Debate with Hu Lu in Xiao Meng.He depreciated my poems for several times and I had to account for the poems every time.What a amusing deed.Wrote many to defend my poem and dignity with a equable tone,even though I was in serious indignity.He must have consider that he was quite reasonable and logic,neglected his topic was poem.Thought is a deed to oriente one but not systemize himself.
Nov.15th
Keepig my pace,up till noon.Had lunch with Jack and it was the first time to discuss about the nearest storm in our dorm.He conceded and didn't give anyone elaboration.The rumor winded around all the college,even towards other deparment.He said he shrug off the dorm especially the peasant,with no resentment.I loathed the peasant too.He always imagined him a peasant leader,with the brilliance of guiding a revolution.He defeated ZhangFan and He Peng,who were both citizens,and I could guess next one must come to me,even though I was repelled by them all when I was a freshman.Jack said he can be conscious with their hostile attitude towards me,since they might consider that I backed up him always.I thought that's true and I would rather hedge them away from me to gain a agreeable surrounding.That's no denying that Their way was perverse and I plighted I would edge the atmosphere if they insisted their aggresive attitude.Had dinner with my brother and sisters of PR tong,busted by Jack owing to his annoying says.Read books alone till the night was asleep deeply.Fogotten one thing,we managed to PR Liu Da ke of confirming 3 seats for the thesis.
Nov.16th
Did listening exercise again.Felt raw again since neglect of practice.Having dinner with Rachel,went for the elective lecture,which was the first class that I came into classroom for lectures.Rachel gave a presentation regarding the movie"".Not bad.Fulfilled the book"Michael"written by Jelinek,which had the same dilemma with one step was in society.Made a Exell for Yang Jie,another hooligan,since she told Li Yang she had no time to read my former e-mail.Made a decision:I will give Chinese version too every time I update my daily.Tomorrow,went back home to conduct the affair of Driving.
Nov.17th
Waked up by Rachel's message,when it was lunch time again.Went back home with her,for she was earning money as a tutor.We exchange the new words coming up recently in the subway,and I had to reviewed the articles and content,which satisfied me terribliy----I didn't kill time in this week.Arrived home,no one was in.Slept again till supper.Dad and I haven't been tough yet,I discussed my future and major with him as usural.Fu Yang's phone stimulated my interest of watching opera.I inserted the DVD"Carmen",which lasts over three hours,into the player at 1:30 midnight.Nevertheless,the opera was classic enough to omit the time.
Nov.18th
Dad collected info from the driving school in the morning.I decided to get the license before Spring Festival.I paid for the tuition fee and would learn the traffic law from 27th,which acomodated me at home for a long time.All the affairs has been arranged well,exept for the tour to Hu Nan with PR Tong.Dad didn't indulge himself into surfing web.I encourged him to compose the document by computer,even though it was the original source of the quarrel.He was in high pressure because of the document writing.I asked him to write them with no care,and I would wash 3 people's dresses instead.I am conscious that I don't have numerous time like before,which oblige I to cherish every second at home.Mum went to An Hui again,with no halt even at home.The evening surrounded me,since we had the lonliness in same kind.Watched "Aida" alone,also an opera composed by Veldi.Couldn't understand why so many people devoting into opera performing.Mourning for 2 great people:Friedman,one of the most greatest economists;Puskas,The most greatest Huguarian soccer player,an tragical character in the football history.Amen.
Nov.19th
Gave a call to a brother serving in a Shanghai investment company to consult the affair of major.Called for help to Li Kai for the problem of the finance book.I will be industrious and tenacious every time I concern with future and risk of career,as well as the field which is vain to me.Everyone gave me awesome help,however,I don't know which way I should devote into.Jacob dated with Tracy and I didn't see him today.It's no time for me to release my temper to him,since he didn't tell me the employment of Xin Hua News.Fuck him till dead.Went to Richard's dorm for 2 hours.No one besides me.Seemed Henry Zhong came back,who I refused to meet ever.Scholarship was lost for Brian's low score,hearing that is secretary's mistake,while Auster got it even if he got 70 in one subject,which is not obey the rule.I will be insane of the autrority.How can I compete with these cheating bastards equally?
2.Indeed,I was on the rack during the week,since I was always tough to encounter several troubles simautaneously.I had to perk up from abyss time to time,and felt down again.That must be called samsara.
3.I will be absent from 27th and will last over 2 weeks.You'd better fix me a time and pay for my bill as soon as possible.
4.Li Kai said you should enhance your basis and then you can take benefit of ambition.
5.I decide to vote for the option which seems more difficult:Banking.
6.Focusing on future and career,I neglected philosophy along the week.Career is a killer,while the victim must be faith,which is always a tragedy of a man.
7.David Du,the foreign teacher in our university was publicized on headline by Beijing Youth Jounal.His misterious experience and incentive of coming to China woke me up.Fight for living as well as faith,even death.
Nov.13th
Writing the former witness till 4 o'clock,waked up with the eyes in obvious tumefaction,owing to Fu Yang and Zhang Dong's coming at 8:00.The students for class in Broadcasting Institute abounded in the morning,seeming that they were more industrious than us.Zhang Dong registered for several minutes and headed over to the DVD stores around the two campus.Fu Yang began to favor to artistic movies,hence her intention was to buy the Favorite disk but not to visit me.That was the first time to meet Zhang Dong,and my younger sisters were passionate with her coming,the rumor that I would meet my girlfriend-to-be was prevailing several days ago.I was scared since they all have served in PR for at least 1 year,quite aquainted with how to disseminate espacially rumors.I invited the two girls having lunch at 10 o'clock,in order to save time for Fu Yang 's preparation of afternoon's exam.Coming across Jacob when we were about to leave,Fu Yang didn't recognize him though she met him once,and the reason she told me was that he was older in some extension than last time.I told them that should be attributed to his date with Tracy~~~~~~~Slept after their leaving till time to supper.To budget the cost,decided to stay at dorm,trimmed the vocabulary base in a new notebook,and copy all the short messages on the other notebook.It appears that I am addicted into recording everything happen to me in daily life,with over 10 notebooks as proof.I admired myself of being patient enough to have passion on the copy affairs,left apart the affair on back pay and the deducted money.I indulged myself into the memory with the words of messages till merely 190 pieces was in the notebook at 4 o'clock.The sunrise's step was close.
Nov.14th
With the day before's lesson,I made a significant decision that I would keep my sleep till noon in this week.I prosecuted my plan and regretted after I was awake.Time is always limited so long as you intend to keep pace.To keep my pace,I had to go for "Business Week" with a big yawn.I deemed that I was keeping my pace well,indeed.After supper,I went to Mcdonald's to read books as well as memory.The book I dedicated in,called "The Emergence of Wall Street as a World Power",was fantastic enough to make me immerse into and forgot the days last winter.The dorm was just like a reposing room.The admirable bastard Cheng Shuyi was lying in his coffin-like bed,with a stolen pillow from Zhang Fan.That's why I felt disgusted as long as I walked into the room,but not the only one.The next day would tell you the story about the fucking dorm as well as the ruffians living in.Debate with Hu Lu in Xiao Meng.He depreciated my poems for several times and I had to account for the poems every time.What a amusing deed.Wrote many to defend my poem and dignity with a equable tone,even though I was in serious indignity.He must have consider that he was quite reasonable and logic,neglected his topic was poem.Thought is a deed to oriente one but not systemize himself.
Nov.15th
Keepig my pace,up till noon.Had lunch with Jack and it was the first time to discuss about the nearest storm in our dorm.He conceded and didn't give anyone elaboration.The rumor winded around all the college,even towards other deparment.He said he shrug off the dorm especially the peasant,with no resentment.I loathed the peasant too.He always imagined him a peasant leader,with the brilliance of guiding a revolution.He defeated ZhangFan and He Peng,who were both citizens,and I could guess next one must come to me,even though I was repelled by them all when I was a freshman.Jack said he can be conscious with their hostile attitude towards me,since they might consider that I backed up him always.I thought that's true and I would rather hedge them away from me to gain a agreeable surrounding.That's no denying that Their way was perverse and I plighted I would edge the atmosphere if they insisted their aggresive attitude.Had dinner with my brother and sisters of PR tong,busted by Jack owing to his annoying says.Read books alone till the night was asleep deeply.Fogotten one thing,we managed to PR Liu Da ke of confirming 3 seats for the thesis.
Nov.16th
Did listening exercise again.Felt raw again since neglect of practice.Having dinner with Rachel,went for the elective lecture,which was the first class that I came into classroom for lectures.Rachel gave a presentation regarding the movie"".Not bad.Fulfilled the book"Michael"written by Jelinek,which had the same dilemma with one step was in society.Made a Exell for Yang Jie,another hooligan,since she told Li Yang she had no time to read my former e-mail.Made a decision:I will give Chinese version too every time I update my daily.Tomorrow,went back home to conduct the affair of Driving.
Nov.17th
Waked up by Rachel's message,when it was lunch time again.Went back home with her,for she was earning money as a tutor.We exchange the new words coming up recently in the subway,and I had to reviewed the articles and content,which satisfied me terribliy----I didn't kill time in this week.Arrived home,no one was in.Slept again till supper.Dad and I haven't been tough yet,I discussed my future and major with him as usural.Fu Yang's phone stimulated my interest of watching opera.I inserted the DVD"Carmen",which lasts over three hours,into the player at 1:30 midnight.Nevertheless,the opera was classic enough to omit the time.
Nov.18th
Dad collected info from the driving school in the morning.I decided to get the license before Spring Festival.I paid for the tuition fee and would learn the traffic law from 27th,which acomodated me at home for a long time.All the affairs has been arranged well,exept for the tour to Hu Nan with PR Tong.Dad didn't indulge himself into surfing web.I encourged him to compose the document by computer,even though it was the original source of the quarrel.He was in high pressure because of the document writing.I asked him to write them with no care,and I would wash 3 people's dresses instead.I am conscious that I don't have numerous time like before,which oblige I to cherish every second at home.Mum went to An Hui again,with no halt even at home.The evening surrounded me,since we had the lonliness in same kind.Watched "Aida" alone,also an opera composed by Veldi.Couldn't understand why so many people devoting into opera performing.Mourning for 2 great people:Friedman,one of the most greatest economists;Puskas,The most greatest Huguarian soccer player,an tragical character in the football history.Amen.
Nov.19th
Gave a call to a brother serving in a Shanghai investment company to consult the affair of major.Called for help to Li Kai for the problem of the finance book.I will be industrious and tenacious every time I concern with future and risk of career,as well as the field which is vain to me.Everyone gave me awesome help,however,I don't know which way I should devote into.Jacob dated with Tracy and I didn't see him today.It's no time for me to release my temper to him,since he didn't tell me the employment of Xin Hua News.Fuck him till dead.Went to Richard's dorm for 2 hours.No one besides me.Seemed Henry Zhong came back,who I refused to meet ever.Scholarship was lost for Brian's low score,hearing that is secretary's mistake,while Auster got it even if he got 70 in one subject,which is not obey the rule.I will be insane of the autrority.How can I compete with these cheating bastards equally?
2.Indeed,I was on the rack during the week,since I was always tough to encounter several troubles simautaneously.I had to perk up from abyss time to time,and felt down again.That must be called samsara.
3.I will be absent from 27th and will last over 2 weeks.You'd better fix me a time and pay for my bill as soon as possible.
4.Li Kai said you should enhance your basis and then you can take benefit of ambition.
5.I decide to vote for the option which seems more difficult:Banking.
6.Focusing on future and career,I neglected philosophy along the week.Career is a killer,while the victim must be faith,which is always a tragedy of a man.
7.David Du,the foreign teacher in our university was publicized on headline by Beijing Youth Jounal.His misterious experience and incentive of coming to China woke me up.Fight for living as well as faith,even death.
11.13.2006
Witness(06-11-12)
1.Reflection.
Nov.6th
The new beginning of the week had a poor start.Did nothing accorded with the preparation of interview.With the saying at midnight that I would insist the routine for a long time,droke it in the morning.Hua Wei's spokesman was a little bit stiff,who made me disappionted.Went along to the manager and asked her details.It appears that we were not welcomed because that was the employment press held for the students majored in foreign languages.
Jacob and I rushed to another hall where held CITS's press to occupy the seats in first line.The manager of CITS picked up some pieces from swarms of the resumes,and she was fortunate enough to choose most idiots in our major.Angela and I were omitted by the brilliant manager either.Unfortunately, my condition at that time is superb,hence I decided to strive for my dignity.The assistant was frightened by my eloquence.I'm sure she didn't know why she admitted me at last but only remembered my continual words.Most of my friends had been admitted directly,though we heard that we needed to be written-tested later on.Fainted...
Had supper with a crowd of friends,even though sb didn't have time to tell the words to me because of the meal.It seemed that I lost a chance again.Who knows whether there will be any chance again.We seized two tables and a path,which we had never been so magnificent after PR Tong was dismissed one year ago.
Surfing internet in dorm,discovered the courses system of University of Sydney was totally adapted,with lack of elaboration.Apart from that,the major were also hugely altered.Industrial Ralations was cancelled and added up several weird courses concerning sociality and statistic analysis..I was conscious immediatelly that it must be a critical problem.It will decided my future according to the interview afternoon.There was no time to grumble,with massive work to do,such as mailing the staffs in US,Considering the industries I should exert into,taking account of my interest as well as working experience.The colossal experience seemed to be a restraint for me to head to another industry.The problem is subject to obsess me till I make the decision.
Nov.7th
Owing to the change known the day before,I couldn't motivate myself to complete the schedule.If not,I must have made the effort vainly.Untill Judy asked me to learn with her,I got up.Covered "the Frontal PR" for all the afternoon,with a numb appearance.
Judy came at 4:40.We seperated at 5:30 since she dated Mike for dinner.Going back to dorm,discovered the poem album,published my poem,called "Sebtember Poems" arrived.The book was quite thin and so as my poem,short enough to be neglected.That should be my shame but not pride.All the people read the poem said it is talant whereas couldn't understand it anymore.According to such cases,I had to be speechless and go away with my poem.Some of them said that should be a awesome start,while I would define it as the final point.
I got the reply from HU LU XIAN,the administrator of the poem forum.I retired and will never be the administrator again.The feeling was indescriable,although the resigntion was handed in by me.Counting from the poem last time,I have never written any word for my belief over 1 month.
Composed a piece of poem again for Licky,falling in deep grief till dawn.
Nov.8th
As soon as I woke up,heard that we are obliged to participate the election of territorial representative of government.We faddled that we always have our obligation and principle to executive our right.We will take privilege to the reprentative who we are known;if none,we will give an opportunity to the the one belongs to our department;if none again,we had to vote for the one owning a sound name.Furthermore,we have another critical principle that vote for female who has agreeable appearance.The voting has been held as this process and principle for couple of years.
The exhibition orgnizer employed internships lasting 14 days.I intended to earn some cash to end up the life always withdrawing from ATM.But I changed my mind before I got to the meeting since I heard Licky would attend it.Jacob said he was desparate to earn money or he would end.I didn't go there at last,as Jacob's prediction ,either did she.He said he repelled her again.The name Licky became sensitive again from then on.
Rachel told me that she was scared by the communication theroy since it concerns politics and sociology rather than economics.I propose a "Shaking Meeting"for her,Judy as well as me,in Chinese as "Dong Yao Hui",instead of "Mobilising Meeting",as "Dong Yuan Hui" in Chinese.It was quite ironical that we three were the most insistent to our respective future.We had no conclusion and thoroughly annoyed by the dilemma.
Nancy didn't come to attend the "Shaking Meeting",reverse as her former behaviour.Rachel told me she was angry with me.I managed to appease her by my idiomatic method and defrauded her of a meal.Don't crack credit,haaaaaaa.
I discovered I was arranged to paticipate the written-test by CITS,as I contacted the staff there positively,when I checked mailbox,while I received the refusal from Microsoft.My major must be a great burden to be passed though after all.But after my master degree,the present working experience will be another barrier again,even though that's my proof of priority nowadays.That was one of the demonstrations of the dilemma,I am sure.
Sb drew my arm.That should be recognized as a sign:That was a habit,just ahabit,the habit got on my nerves.
I was blocked up by sth as well as sb,even only known by myself and too pimping to share.Simply,I was sorrowful.
Nov.9th
Fu Yang told me Zhang Dong and she would come to BISU on next Monday.She reminded me to grasp the chance.Faint again...
Without lunch,went to 405,3# again,which has been ocuppied for all the afternoon.Reading books,including an introduction of English poem totally written in English.
Sb drew my arm again.That should be recognized as a sign:I have been beyond redemption.
I must be insane.
Forgot one more thing,Piero's birthday.Happy birthday,Alex.
Nov.10th
Sister Mu gave me some advices on my major choosing.She analysed the trend and the requirement of different industries as well as functions,but I omitted most of she said.Nonsense,nonsense again.
Qin Yu also suggested me to learn finance.I would make the critical decision in near future.
Fixed a time with mum to go shopping in Cui Wei shopping mall.Bought a luxury dress and a coat,costing me 1200 RMB,when bearing no annoyance any more of rambling in mall.
In the bus 335 back home,came across Xiao Qing and Fang Fei.they told me their place were both close to mine,even though we were all in PR department.Xiao Qing told me that the PR department present was likely to decline.They all were envious of PR tong,looking forwards to the relationships.She told me that she didn't learn anything in PR department,execpt as a labor,which made me down.I must have make a serious mistake at that time.
Got home.Dad didn't say any words to me.I learned to encounter trouble calmly.Fortunately,The Ice was broken by me.I discussed the majors to be chosen with him,and he get down to the affair again.I realized that we hadn't had estrangement yet.
Nov.11th
Went to Tian Yi shopping mall to pick up a bag,since the former one had to be tidied.Bargained with the storeload,the first time I presented my eloquence in front of mum.
Took some tonic to visit sick Angela.The Insane girl didn't tell anyone that she had finished her operation on Friday morning.I was astonished and contacted friends to visit her recently.I got there at 4o'clock,I've never seen her appearence like this,pale,weak.I chatted with her for an hour.That's my partner,my partner for over 3 years.I sympathized with my partner's sickness,since I deeply comprehended the meaning of lonliness and helplessness.That's why I rushed to Chao Yang Hospital from the remote place.I managed the visit next day,attended by most members of PR tong,surely I would be there as well.
after that,went to my aunt's place,in the North of 4th Ring Road,distant with the hospital.All the day beared the trudge.feast with her family and mine,back home to search info on internet.
reading the meaningless books,fell asleep at midnight.
All the Single's Day was company with various people,hinding the sole and sore appearence in my heart,seems enjoyed it in pleasure.
Nov.12th
Taking the suit back to campus,after the visit of Angela.Most of friends were called to be there,and our noisiness disturbed others harshly,even though they didn't say any words to us.We took pictures,faddled till merely 5 o'clock.I didn't know whether I would be concerned by so many people if I were suffered by disease.
Had supper with Nancy,Tian Yi and Xiao Fang.We gossiped all the affairs on campus and person concerning us,no matter whether they were true or not.We were the people who took memory as importance,and would keep all forever,which was the most vital point focused by me.
Judy mentioned me a lot in her blog.I couldn't describe my feeling anymore,'cause I haven't figure out her intention yet.
Li Yang gave me a call at night to inform me my salary was deducted by the fucking woman Yang Jie for over 1000RMB.I was exasperated against her and composed three mails to different people to save my lost money.I was embarrassed by the ill-disposed woman!I will not surrender any more!Even though,I could not do anything at all.
Fulfilled the mails and slept at 3:30,forgetting the coming of Fu Yang and Zhang Dong in the morning.
2.The severe issues suffered me a lot.I couldn't get asleep in the dark owing to the back pay,couldn't feel free because of major choosing.The days was continuous with my desparate desire of safety and success.
3.Started to write poems again,even though someone depreciated my lines in the forum.I didn't maind it any more,not because I was generous,but I was limited by the annoying things and had no time to debate with them.At least,I would not give up argue when sb invaded into my macca.
4.Planned to learn driving in several days.
5.The plan was executived well during the week,exept of the days at home.English should be highlighted by more endeavor.
6.Finance seems to be my future career,oriented by crowd of people.
7.philosophy,can you save me from the lonliness,helplessness,and desparation.Or,you can do me a favor to make me addicted in to the deeper abyss.
Nov.6th
The new beginning of the week had a poor start.Did nothing accorded with the preparation of interview.With the saying at midnight that I would insist the routine for a long time,droke it in the morning.Hua Wei's spokesman was a little bit stiff,who made me disappionted.Went along to the manager and asked her details.It appears that we were not welcomed because that was the employment press held for the students majored in foreign languages.
Jacob and I rushed to another hall where held CITS's press to occupy the seats in first line.The manager of CITS picked up some pieces from swarms of the resumes,and she was fortunate enough to choose most idiots in our major.Angela and I were omitted by the brilliant manager either.Unfortunately, my condition at that time is superb,hence I decided to strive for my dignity.The assistant was frightened by my eloquence.I'm sure she didn't know why she admitted me at last but only remembered my continual words.Most of my friends had been admitted directly,though we heard that we needed to be written-tested later on.Fainted...
Had supper with a crowd of friends,even though sb didn't have time to tell the words to me because of the meal.It seemed that I lost a chance again.Who knows whether there will be any chance again.We seized two tables and a path,which we had never been so magnificent after PR Tong was dismissed one year ago.
Surfing internet in dorm,discovered the courses system of University of Sydney was totally adapted,with lack of elaboration.Apart from that,the major were also hugely altered.Industrial Ralations was cancelled and added up several weird courses concerning sociality and statistic analysis..I was conscious immediatelly that it must be a critical problem.It will decided my future according to the interview afternoon.There was no time to grumble,with massive work to do,such as mailing the staffs in US,Considering the industries I should exert into,taking account of my interest as well as working experience.The colossal experience seemed to be a restraint for me to head to another industry.The problem is subject to obsess me till I make the decision.
Nov.7th
Owing to the change known the day before,I couldn't motivate myself to complete the schedule.If not,I must have made the effort vainly.Untill Judy asked me to learn with her,I got up.Covered "the Frontal PR" for all the afternoon,with a numb appearance.
Judy came at 4:40.We seperated at 5:30 since she dated Mike for dinner.Going back to dorm,discovered the poem album,published my poem,called "Sebtember Poems" arrived.The book was quite thin and so as my poem,short enough to be neglected.That should be my shame but not pride.All the people read the poem said it is talant whereas couldn't understand it anymore.According to such cases,I had to be speechless and go away with my poem.Some of them said that should be a awesome start,while I would define it as the final point.
I got the reply from HU LU XIAN,the administrator of the poem forum.I retired and will never be the administrator again.The feeling was indescriable,although the resigntion was handed in by me.Counting from the poem last time,I have never written any word for my belief over 1 month.
Composed a piece of poem again for Licky,falling in deep grief till dawn.
Nov.8th
As soon as I woke up,heard that we are obliged to participate the election of territorial representative of government.We faddled that we always have our obligation and principle to executive our right.We will take privilege to the reprentative who we are known;if none,we will give an opportunity to the the one belongs to our department;if none again,we had to vote for the one owning a sound name.Furthermore,we have another critical principle that vote for female who has agreeable appearance.The voting has been held as this process and principle for couple of years.
The exhibition orgnizer employed internships lasting 14 days.I intended to earn some cash to end up the life always withdrawing from ATM.But I changed my mind before I got to the meeting since I heard Licky would attend it.Jacob said he was desparate to earn money or he would end.I didn't go there at last,as Jacob's prediction ,either did she.He said he repelled her again.The name Licky became sensitive again from then on.
Rachel told me that she was scared by the communication theroy since it concerns politics and sociology rather than economics.I propose a "Shaking Meeting"for her,Judy as well as me,in Chinese as "Dong Yao Hui",instead of "Mobilising Meeting",as "Dong Yuan Hui" in Chinese.It was quite ironical that we three were the most insistent to our respective future.We had no conclusion and thoroughly annoyed by the dilemma.
Nancy didn't come to attend the "Shaking Meeting",reverse as her former behaviour.Rachel told me she was angry with me.I managed to appease her by my idiomatic method and defrauded her of a meal.Don't crack credit,haaaaaaa.
I discovered I was arranged to paticipate the written-test by CITS,as I contacted the staff there positively,when I checked mailbox,while I received the refusal from Microsoft.My major must be a great burden to be passed though after all.But after my master degree,the present working experience will be another barrier again,even though that's my proof of priority nowadays.That was one of the demonstrations of the dilemma,I am sure.
Sb drew my arm.That should be recognized as a sign:That was a habit,just ahabit,the habit got on my nerves.
I was blocked up by sth as well as sb,even only known by myself and too pimping to share.Simply,I was sorrowful.
Nov.9th
Fu Yang told me Zhang Dong and she would come to BISU on next Monday.She reminded me to grasp the chance.Faint again...
Without lunch,went to 405,3# again,which has been ocuppied for all the afternoon.Reading books,including an introduction of English poem totally written in English.
Sb drew my arm again.That should be recognized as a sign:I have been beyond redemption.
I must be insane.
Forgot one more thing,Piero's birthday.Happy birthday,Alex.
Nov.10th
Sister Mu gave me some advices on my major choosing.She analysed the trend and the requirement of different industries as well as functions,but I omitted most of she said.Nonsense,nonsense again.
Qin Yu also suggested me to learn finance.I would make the critical decision in near future.
Fixed a time with mum to go shopping in Cui Wei shopping mall.Bought a luxury dress and a coat,costing me 1200 RMB,when bearing no annoyance any more of rambling in mall.
In the bus 335 back home,came across Xiao Qing and Fang Fei.they told me their place were both close to mine,even though we were all in PR department.Xiao Qing told me that the PR department present was likely to decline.They all were envious of PR tong,looking forwards to the relationships.She told me that she didn't learn anything in PR department,execpt as a labor,which made me down.I must have make a serious mistake at that time.
Got home.Dad didn't say any words to me.I learned to encounter trouble calmly.Fortunately,The Ice was broken by me.I discussed the majors to be chosen with him,and he get down to the affair again.I realized that we hadn't had estrangement yet.
Nov.11th
Went to Tian Yi shopping mall to pick up a bag,since the former one had to be tidied.Bargained with the storeload,the first time I presented my eloquence in front of mum.
Took some tonic to visit sick Angela.The Insane girl didn't tell anyone that she had finished her operation on Friday morning.I was astonished and contacted friends to visit her recently.I got there at 4o'clock,I've never seen her appearence like this,pale,weak.I chatted with her for an hour.That's my partner,my partner for over 3 years.I sympathized with my partner's sickness,since I deeply comprehended the meaning of lonliness and helplessness.That's why I rushed to Chao Yang Hospital from the remote place.I managed the visit next day,attended by most members of PR tong,surely I would be there as well.
after that,went to my aunt's place,in the North of 4th Ring Road,distant with the hospital.All the day beared the trudge.feast with her family and mine,back home to search info on internet.
reading the meaningless books,fell asleep at midnight.
All the Single's Day was company with various people,hinding the sole and sore appearence in my heart,seems enjoyed it in pleasure.
Nov.12th
Taking the suit back to campus,after the visit of Angela.Most of friends were called to be there,and our noisiness disturbed others harshly,even though they didn't say any words to us.We took pictures,faddled till merely 5 o'clock.I didn't know whether I would be concerned by so many people if I were suffered by disease.
Had supper with Nancy,Tian Yi and Xiao Fang.We gossiped all the affairs on campus and person concerning us,no matter whether they were true or not.We were the people who took memory as importance,and would keep all forever,which was the most vital point focused by me.
Judy mentioned me a lot in her blog.I couldn't describe my feeling anymore,'cause I haven't figure out her intention yet.
Li Yang gave me a call at night to inform me my salary was deducted by the fucking woman Yang Jie for over 1000RMB.I was exasperated against her and composed three mails to different people to save my lost money.I was embarrassed by the ill-disposed woman!I will not surrender any more!Even though,I could not do anything at all.
Fulfilled the mails and slept at 3:30,forgetting the coming of Fu Yang and Zhang Dong in the morning.
2.The severe issues suffered me a lot.I couldn't get asleep in the dark owing to the back pay,couldn't feel free because of major choosing.The days was continuous with my desparate desire of safety and success.
3.Started to write poems again,even though someone depreciated my lines in the forum.I didn't maind it any more,not because I was generous,but I was limited by the annoying things and had no time to debate with them.At least,I would not give up argue when sb invaded into my macca.
4.Planned to learn driving in several days.
5.The plan was executived well during the week,exept of the days at home.English should be highlighted by more endeavor.
6.Finance seems to be my future career,oriented by crowd of people.
7.philosophy,can you save me from the lonliness,helplessness,and desparation.Or,you can do me a favor to make me addicted in to the deeper abyss.
11.06.2006
Witness(06-11-05)
1.Reflection.
Oct.30th
Nothing special,common life,as a common university student.Jacob was back home in the morning.I didn't get up for my class,even though had been awake at that time.
Owing to a pile of free time to be killed,I decided to go to Broadcasting Institute to buy the reference books for Zhang Dong,of course,not alone,with Rachel's company.Asked a lot from the seller in the bookstore,discovered that the postgraduate exam is a industry with fucking huge profit.I can't help felicitating myself that I made a correct choice.The reference books involved common knowledge in large scale,which attracted me a lot,since I didn't have the urgent feeling.On the other hand,Rachel was devoting to her study and future career,made me embarrassed.I blushed for my nonfeasance.
After supper,we would have make all the business card in order,but some abrupt situation made us defer our plan again.
Read books which I have postponed for a long time,surfed internet,read news in every field I was fond of.indeed,the Pro Evolution Soccer 4 was a proper way to let myself alone,even though I hated being alone.
Met Sun Ye at night on internet.She said that she was afraid of being company with 3 people or above.I said I stood opposite against her.I need a crowd of people to obtain the consciousness of safety.
Slept at 4 o'clock.
Oct.31st
Promising Rachel to attend a speech addressed by a french,up on time regrdless of only 4-hour sleep.The speech was provided for postgraduates of Broadcasting Institute,and the french had a high-class position:3 terms of France Press Minister;the chief directer of France National Library,which the philosophers I admired were the leaders there.He was a jack-of-all-trades in politics,media,pilosophy,etc.The cases he cited are all the stories regarding Bible or hellenic myth,demonstrating his philosophic tradition in france.The speech was not attractive enough since the translator was not majored in media,hence the flaws and the halt broke the continuity of the speech.I proposed a question concerning the Tian'an Men Massacre.I intended to discuss the relationships between knowledge and power,according to Focault,my favorite philosopher.But I was always caucious to the affair offending the Party,therefore I surrendered asking question in the hall,inspite of Rachel's urging.
Had lunch with Rachel and Nancy,and went back for a lone time sleep.The first thing I had to carry out was that I should claim my back pay,since I dreamed about and was badly suffered by it.Unexpectedly,David Liu assigned me a new task:translation for the plan of NOKIA's Christmas Party.He begged me to get down to the task,and he promised to remit the money to me before weekend,under the condition of accomplishment of the translation.I had to.
Had dinner with Angela,Xiao Fang and Tian Yi.Discovered the day was Halloween.A line of foreigners dressed strange moved around the canteen.I felt they had more vacuity than me.
I waited for David Liu's oringial version untill 3 o'clock,slept.
Nov.1st
Got up at noon,and read the message from David Liu.He sent the file to my mailbox.I opened it and perishing frightened by it.The file consists of 32 pages,full of atticism.I bought some fast food and carried out my work,much more horrible than I was in the company and had no pay.Finally I won the campaign with one-afternoon dedication.I was too exausted to do anything.CITS would employ graduate in our institute and accept CV only in the very afternoon,Jack told me.I had to print my CV and handed it in before supper.When I came back to dormitory,I met Rachel and the freshmen of PR department,who seemed like a crowd of ruffians.I didn't have the nerve to witness my faith's backslide,hastily rushed to dorm.
Would have attended a speech on finance held by Qing-Yi Forum,if the guest was not absent.Slanging the babyish department,go back to the Xiang-Yu building to read the book named Gnosticism.Surely not alone,with Judy.I said I would be scared by loneliness.The leaves said farewell to its home.I was aware of that,since I only had one chance to witness the autumn's coming on my campus,from the day,the very day.Hope they will not be nostalgic,like me in the near future.
Having calmed down from the quarrel,lived with tranquil mood.But the equilibrium will never be kept for a long time.Mum told me to compromise dad.I decided to give in for our reconcilement,whereas dad didn't.He wrote a series of words to condemn me,which made me fragile.I told him I would go back home when I was contact him firstly,but now I changed my mind.With ineffable anger,felt into sleep unconsciously at roughly 4 o'clock.
Nov.2nd
Up afternoon,and had lunch with Lazy Angela.She told me her plan and reason why she was passive at present.We plighted to make our own business such as a Bar together after our success,as well as Xiao Fang.I will,if I can.I discovered the ways we picked up were quite different,slop me over again.
Jacob came back from Tian Jin.He went to McDonald's with his quasi-wife as soon as he got to Beijing.I slept merely all the time.Decided to make a plan for my life,even though I hated the discipline as badly as loneliness.
Wrote the words above till now,5:38.
Nov.3nd
Went to Sha Tan for taking VISA photos.Visited uncle Chen again and he invited me to have dinner.He mentioned his daughter,Chen Mo.During the talk,I had the conscious that I only had my childhood with her,even though I couldn't memorize the things at that time,and haven't meet her for 15 years.She is working in Beijing Architecture Design Institution,and also planning to go abroad for further education.I faddled maybe we would marry someday.He seemed to be bothered by her daughter's marriage.The photo was so-so,and he managed it by PS,seemed not too bad,despite of my depressed smile.
Arrived at Beijing Children's Palace again to meet Fu Yang.When I was 6 years old I learnt art there.Some pictures exhibited outside remainded me the vague impression at my early age.as one part of Forbidden City,the landscape there was agreeable.We took some photos to keep our memories.
Back to campus.Cheng Shuyi was frigid to me,since I was not content with his behaviour towards Jack.He was revenging,made me prepared to resist the next storm in our dorm.
Stayed in dorm to complete the book,and felt into sleep again.That must be the symptom of loneliness.Surfed internet,Zhao Ge left me a messeage,which asked me to read the alumni.Bastard Liu Fei uploaded some photos taken when we were in senior one in high school.Vainly attempted to remind us his contributions?Or to announce his love to the class which had no relationship with him?To challenge my friendship with the classmates,if I still had have any friendship with them?Childish nonsense.
Judy asked me if all the 226 books had been covered.indeed.She questioned if every book was worthy to cover.I said Ads has been prevailing for over one century even though it only owned 50% successful cases.But the issue was:you would never know which half was the prosperous part.So as reading books.The question has been asked time to time since I was a kid,and the response is always as pale as my eye,crammed with helplessness.
All the fucking tough affairs were like the impassable frontier to baffle me from my dream.However,I would not surrender to so-called destiny yet.
Nov.4th
The first day to executive my new plan.Because of the lack of sleepness,up late again.Took a little discount of my schedule,whereas accomplished most.Didn't have lunch,since with nobody's company.An awkward excuse.But actually,it seems that no place tolerated me.
Went back to 405 room,3#,my former classroom.The rarely vacant room had been dominated by myself for all the evening.Pick up the chalk,intended to write sth,as usual.No word jumped out from my brain.A complete failure.I read Nietzsche's,just spoiled myself into the philosophy,for all the evening.
Mum gave me a call after dinner,asked me why I was not back home.I didn't say any words to express my indignity,just deal with it in chillness.Promised her to come back earlier for purchase and VISA.The schooling life lasting 3 weeks is likely to end up.
Isolated from everyone.Read books,went shopping,had meals.Avoided to talk with anyone,stayed into dark to appreciate the lorn scene.Autumn's step seized everyone's eyes.The road was performing the episode called"solitude".If I have possessed the gift of composing,I will compose my requiem performed for my mourning.Shit,it seemed a long time stalling my poems writing.
Nov.5th
Alone for all day.Started to be acquainted with the life led by myself.
Went to the Foreign Language Reading Room,viewed Businessweek and The Economists.Prefered Businessweek,with deep thinking and sharp ideas.Tried some exercises on TEM 8,the time was limited,though the result was not bad,correct answers took 19/25 in all,much better than I firstly got touch with IELTS.
Took a shower in order to stimulate myself for the next day's interview-------Hua Wei and CITS.Then stayed at dorm to wait for Tian Yi from Tian Jin,with the book on PR.
As long as I finished the book and was about to search info of the two companies,Judy asked me to pick her up from the subway station at 22 o'clock.When I got there,discovered she was not alone,with an old American chackled all the time.I was frozened while he was talking on Aids with great passion.Gosh...
The hands was pained,and sb touched me deeply.
Xue Chao left a message said he asked his ex to seek girls for me.Seemed like a thirsty pimp~~~~~~
Zhao Ge asked me my point of view of the affair on alumni.I couldn't believe the man who quarrelled with us would regret for what he did.I'd rather considered it as his parade.
Ge,you should come to my campus as soon as possible,the strong wind will blow the autumn away in the near future.
2.I decided to note my thought and experience in English.I can accustom myself the usage of active words,and the content also can be neglected by my parents' peer.Fu Yang said she would not visit my website again if I wrote my dairy in English.Pls forgive me my friends,I have to do sth for my future as well as current situation.The dairy will be created as a new post in my blog every time.Of course,All the change is just probation version,whose influence is to be observed and checked.
3.Composed a new post in Xiao Meng Poem Forum to resign from the administrator position.No reason,although in oppressive grief.
4.Fear.Nietzsche said if you can be conscious of the pleasure and joviality when you are deeply trapped into fear,you are in Dionysos spirit,which knows the tragedy of life well and treats it with positive attitude.He chases for the new height to look down the world,and expire by himself.That's the edge of madness,which addicts myself into.That should be my desire.
5.Juventus's 109 year-old birthday. Alessandro Del Piero's 200th goal in Juventus,as well as Piero's 32-year-old birthday's coming on 9th Nov.The only auspiciouses I could be delighted with.making a break of 8 win,the road returning to Serie A was not tough as our imagination.The team I have backed up for proximately 12 years is the only faith has never betrayed me yet.Forza Bianconeri.
6.My plan was executived not bad,since it's only two days passed.Hoping for the long-term endeavor.I will go back home in advance next week.Preparation for overseas education has been started up now.At least,it can decline my consciousness of solitude.
7.Jacob and Tracy become sweetie now;Zhao Ge and Gu Xu is concerning each other serenely;my younger sisters are deeply in love with their Mr rights.I am gratified owing to their happiness.Nevertheless,where are you,my beloved.
Oct.30th
Nothing special,common life,as a common university student.Jacob was back home in the morning.I didn't get up for my class,even though had been awake at that time.
Owing to a pile of free time to be killed,I decided to go to Broadcasting Institute to buy the reference books for Zhang Dong,of course,not alone,with Rachel's company.Asked a lot from the seller in the bookstore,discovered that the postgraduate exam is a industry with fucking huge profit.I can't help felicitating myself that I made a correct choice.The reference books involved common knowledge in large scale,which attracted me a lot,since I didn't have the urgent feeling.On the other hand,Rachel was devoting to her study and future career,made me embarrassed.I blushed for my nonfeasance.
After supper,we would have make all the business card in order,but some abrupt situation made us defer our plan again.
Read books which I have postponed for a long time,surfed internet,read news in every field I was fond of.indeed,the Pro Evolution Soccer 4 was a proper way to let myself alone,even though I hated being alone.
Met Sun Ye at night on internet.She said that she was afraid of being company with 3 people or above.I said I stood opposite against her.I need a crowd of people to obtain the consciousness of safety.
Slept at 4 o'clock.
Oct.31st
Promising Rachel to attend a speech addressed by a french,up on time regrdless of only 4-hour sleep.The speech was provided for postgraduates of Broadcasting Institute,and the french had a high-class position:3 terms of France Press Minister;the chief directer of France National Library,which the philosophers I admired were the leaders there.He was a jack-of-all-trades in politics,media,pilosophy,etc.The cases he cited are all the stories regarding Bible or hellenic myth,demonstrating his philosophic tradition in france.The speech was not attractive enough since the translator was not majored in media,hence the flaws and the halt broke the continuity of the speech.I proposed a question concerning the Tian'an Men Massacre.I intended to discuss the relationships between knowledge and power,according to Focault,my favorite philosopher.But I was always caucious to the affair offending the Party,therefore I surrendered asking question in the hall,inspite of Rachel's urging.
Had lunch with Rachel and Nancy,and went back for a lone time sleep.The first thing I had to carry out was that I should claim my back pay,since I dreamed about and was badly suffered by it.Unexpectedly,David Liu assigned me a new task:translation for the plan of NOKIA's Christmas Party.He begged me to get down to the task,and he promised to remit the money to me before weekend,under the condition of accomplishment of the translation.I had to.
Had dinner with Angela,Xiao Fang and Tian Yi.Discovered the day was Halloween.A line of foreigners dressed strange moved around the canteen.I felt they had more vacuity than me.
I waited for David Liu's oringial version untill 3 o'clock,slept.
Nov.1st
Got up at noon,and read the message from David Liu.He sent the file to my mailbox.I opened it and perishing frightened by it.The file consists of 32 pages,full of atticism.I bought some fast food and carried out my work,much more horrible than I was in the company and had no pay.Finally I won the campaign with one-afternoon dedication.I was too exausted to do anything.CITS would employ graduate in our institute and accept CV only in the very afternoon,Jack told me.I had to print my CV and handed it in before supper.When I came back to dormitory,I met Rachel and the freshmen of PR department,who seemed like a crowd of ruffians.I didn't have the nerve to witness my faith's backslide,hastily rushed to dorm.
Would have attended a speech on finance held by Qing-Yi Forum,if the guest was not absent.Slanging the babyish department,go back to the Xiang-Yu building to read the book named Gnosticism.Surely not alone,with Judy.I said I would be scared by loneliness.The leaves said farewell to its home.I was aware of that,since I only had one chance to witness the autumn's coming on my campus,from the day,the very day.Hope they will not be nostalgic,like me in the near future.
Having calmed down from the quarrel,lived with tranquil mood.But the equilibrium will never be kept for a long time.Mum told me to compromise dad.I decided to give in for our reconcilement,whereas dad didn't.He wrote a series of words to condemn me,which made me fragile.I told him I would go back home when I was contact him firstly,but now I changed my mind.With ineffable anger,felt into sleep unconsciously at roughly 4 o'clock.
Nov.2nd
Up afternoon,and had lunch with Lazy Angela.She told me her plan and reason why she was passive at present.We plighted to make our own business such as a Bar together after our success,as well as Xiao Fang.I will,if I can.I discovered the ways we picked up were quite different,slop me over again.
Jacob came back from Tian Jin.He went to McDonald's with his quasi-wife as soon as he got to Beijing.I slept merely all the time.Decided to make a plan for my life,even though I hated the discipline as badly as loneliness.
Wrote the words above till now,5:38.
Nov.3nd
Went to Sha Tan for taking VISA photos.Visited uncle Chen again and he invited me to have dinner.He mentioned his daughter,Chen Mo.During the talk,I had the conscious that I only had my childhood with her,even though I couldn't memorize the things at that time,and haven't meet her for 15 years.She is working in Beijing Architecture Design Institution,and also planning to go abroad for further education.I faddled maybe we would marry someday.He seemed to be bothered by her daughter's marriage.The photo was so-so,and he managed it by PS,seemed not too bad,despite of my depressed smile.
Arrived at Beijing Children's Palace again to meet Fu Yang.When I was 6 years old I learnt art there.Some pictures exhibited outside remainded me the vague impression at my early age.as one part of Forbidden City,the landscape there was agreeable.We took some photos to keep our memories.
Back to campus.Cheng Shuyi was frigid to me,since I was not content with his behaviour towards Jack.He was revenging,made me prepared to resist the next storm in our dorm.
Stayed in dorm to complete the book,and felt into sleep again.That must be the symptom of loneliness.Surfed internet,Zhao Ge left me a messeage,which asked me to read the alumni.Bastard Liu Fei uploaded some photos taken when we were in senior one in high school.Vainly attempted to remind us his contributions?Or to announce his love to the class which had no relationship with him?To challenge my friendship with the classmates,if I still had have any friendship with them?Childish nonsense.
Judy asked me if all the 226 books had been covered.indeed.She questioned if every book was worthy to cover.I said Ads has been prevailing for over one century even though it only owned 50% successful cases.But the issue was:you would never know which half was the prosperous part.So as reading books.The question has been asked time to time since I was a kid,and the response is always as pale as my eye,crammed with helplessness.
All the fucking tough affairs were like the impassable frontier to baffle me from my dream.However,I would not surrender to so-called destiny yet.
Nov.4th
The first day to executive my new plan.Because of the lack of sleepness,up late again.Took a little discount of my schedule,whereas accomplished most.Didn't have lunch,since with nobody's company.An awkward excuse.But actually,it seems that no place tolerated me.
Went back to 405 room,3#,my former classroom.The rarely vacant room had been dominated by myself for all the evening.Pick up the chalk,intended to write sth,as usual.No word jumped out from my brain.A complete failure.I read Nietzsche's,just spoiled myself into the philosophy,for all the evening.
Mum gave me a call after dinner,asked me why I was not back home.I didn't say any words to express my indignity,just deal with it in chillness.Promised her to come back earlier for purchase and VISA.The schooling life lasting 3 weeks is likely to end up.
Isolated from everyone.Read books,went shopping,had meals.Avoided to talk with anyone,stayed into dark to appreciate the lorn scene.Autumn's step seized everyone's eyes.The road was performing the episode called"solitude".If I have possessed the gift of composing,I will compose my requiem performed for my mourning.Shit,it seemed a long time stalling my poems writing.
Nov.5th
Alone for all day.Started to be acquainted with the life led by myself.
Went to the Foreign Language Reading Room,viewed Businessweek and The Economists.Prefered Businessweek,with deep thinking and sharp ideas.Tried some exercises on TEM 8,the time was limited,though the result was not bad,correct answers took 19/25 in all,much better than I firstly got touch with IELTS.
Took a shower in order to stimulate myself for the next day's interview-------Hua Wei and CITS.Then stayed at dorm to wait for Tian Yi from Tian Jin,with the book on PR.
As long as I finished the book and was about to search info of the two companies,Judy asked me to pick her up from the subway station at 22 o'clock.When I got there,discovered she was not alone,with an old American chackled all the time.I was frozened while he was talking on Aids with great passion.Gosh...
The hands was pained,and sb touched me deeply.
Xue Chao left a message said he asked his ex to seek girls for me.Seemed like a thirsty pimp~~~~~~
Zhao Ge asked me my point of view of the affair on alumni.I couldn't believe the man who quarrelled with us would regret for what he did.I'd rather considered it as his parade.
Ge,you should come to my campus as soon as possible,the strong wind will blow the autumn away in the near future.
2.I decided to note my thought and experience in English.I can accustom myself the usage of active words,and the content also can be neglected by my parents' peer.Fu Yang said she would not visit my website again if I wrote my dairy in English.Pls forgive me my friends,I have to do sth for my future as well as current situation.The dairy will be created as a new post in my blog every time.Of course,All the change is just probation version,whose influence is to be observed and checked.
3.Composed a new post in Xiao Meng Poem Forum to resign from the administrator position.No reason,although in oppressive grief.
4.Fear.Nietzsche said if you can be conscious of the pleasure and joviality when you are deeply trapped into fear,you are in Dionysos spirit,which knows the tragedy of life well and treats it with positive attitude.He chases for the new height to look down the world,and expire by himself.That's the edge of madness,which addicts myself into.That should be my desire.
5.Juventus's 109 year-old birthday. Alessandro Del Piero's 200th goal in Juventus,as well as Piero's 32-year-old birthday's coming on 9th Nov.The only auspiciouses I could be delighted with.making a break of 8 win,the road returning to Serie A was not tough as our imagination.The team I have backed up for proximately 12 years is the only faith has never betrayed me yet.Forza Bianconeri.
6.My plan was executived not bad,since it's only two days passed.Hoping for the long-term endeavor.I will go back home in advance next week.Preparation for overseas education has been started up now.At least,it can decline my consciousness of solitude.
7.Jacob and Tracy become sweetie now;Zhao Ge and Gu Xu is concerning each other serenely;my younger sisters are deeply in love with their Mr rights.I am gratified owing to their happiness.Nevertheless,where are you,my beloved.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)