Witness(06-11-05)

1.Reflection.
Oct.30th
Nothing special,common life,as a common university student.Jacob was back home in the morning.I didn't get up for my class,even though had been awake at that time.
Owing to a pile of free time to be killed,I decided to go to Broadcasting Institute to buy the reference books for Zhang Dong,of course,not alone,with Rachel's company.Asked a lot from the seller in the bookstore,discovered that the postgraduate exam is a industry with fucking huge profit.I can't help felicitating myself that I made a correct choice.The reference books involved common knowledge in large scale,which attracted me a lot,since I didn't have the urgent feeling.On the other hand,Rachel was devoting to her study and future career,made me embarrassed.I blushed for my nonfeasance.
After supper,we would have make all the business card in order,but some abrupt situation made us defer our plan again.
Read books which I have postponed for a long time,surfed internet,read news in every field I was fond of.indeed,the Pro Evolution Soccer 4 was a proper way to let myself alone,even though I hated being alone.
Met Sun Ye at night on internet.She said that she was afraid of being company with 3 people or above.I said I stood opposite against her.I need a crowd of people to obtain the consciousness of safety.
Slept at 4 o'clock.
Oct.31st
Promising Rachel to attend a speech addressed by a french,up on time regrdless of only 4-hour sleep.The speech was provided for postgraduates of Broadcasting Institute,and the french had a high-class position:3 terms of France Press Minister;the chief directer of France National Library,which the philosophers I admired were the leaders there.He was a jack-of-all-trades in politics,media,pilosophy,etc.The cases he cited are all the stories regarding Bible or hellenic myth,demonstrating his philosophic tradition in france.The speech was not attractive enough since the translator was not majored in media,hence the flaws and the halt broke the continuity of the speech.I proposed a question concerning the Tian'an Men Massacre.I intended to discuss the relationships between knowledge and power,according to Focault,my favorite philosopher.But I was always caucious to the affair offending the Party,therefore I surrendered asking question in the hall,inspite of Rachel's urging.
Had lunch with Rachel and Nancy,and went back for a lone time sleep.The first thing I had to carry out was that I should claim my back pay,since I dreamed about and was badly suffered by it.Unexpectedly,David Liu assigned me a new task:translation for the plan of NOKIA's Christmas Party.He begged me to get down to the task,and he promised to remit the money to me before weekend,under the condition of accomplishment of the translation.I had to.
Had dinner with Angela,Xiao Fang and Tian Yi.Discovered the day was Halloween.A line of foreigners dressed strange moved around the canteen.I felt they had more vacuity than me.
I waited for David Liu's oringial version untill 3 o'clock,slept.
Nov.1st
Got up at noon,and read the message from David Liu.He sent the file to my mailbox.I opened it and perishing frightened by it.The file consists of 32 pages,full of atticism.I bought some fast food and carried out my work,much more horrible than I was in the company and had no pay.Finally I won the campaign with one-afternoon dedication.I was too exausted to do anything.CITS would employ graduate in our institute and accept CV only in the very afternoon,Jack told me.I had to print my CV and handed it in before supper.When I came back to dormitory,I met Rachel and the freshmen of PR department,who seemed like a crowd of ruffians.I didn't have the nerve to witness my faith's backslide,hastily rushed to dorm.
Would have attended a speech on finance held by Qing-Yi Forum,if the guest was not absent.Slanging the babyish department,go back to the Xiang-Yu building to read the book named Gnosticism.Surely not alone,with Judy.I said I would be scared by loneliness.The leaves said farewell to its home.I was aware of that,since I only had one chance to witness the autumn's coming on my campus,from the day,the very day.Hope they will not be nostalgic,like me in the near future.
Having calmed down from the quarrel,lived with tranquil mood.But the equilibrium will never be kept for a long time.Mum told me to compromise dad.I decided to give in for our reconcilement,whereas dad didn't.He wrote a series of words to condemn me,which made me fragile.I told him I would go back home when I was contact him firstly,but now I changed my mind.With ineffable anger,felt into sleep unconsciously at roughly 4 o'clock.
Nov.2nd
Up afternoon,and had lunch with Lazy Angela.She told me her plan and reason why she was passive at present.We plighted to make our own business such as a Bar together after our success,as well as Xiao Fang.I will,if I can.I discovered the ways we picked up were quite different,slop me over again.
Jacob came back from Tian Jin.He went to McDonald's with his quasi-wife as soon as he got to Beijing.I slept merely all the time.Decided to make a plan for my life,even though I hated the discipline as badly as loneliness.
Wrote the words above till now,5:38.
Nov.3nd
Went to Sha Tan for taking VISA photos.Visited uncle Chen again and he invited me to have dinner.He mentioned his daughter,Chen Mo.During the talk,I had the conscious that I only had my childhood with her,even though I couldn't memorize the things at that time,and haven't meet her for 15 years.She is working in Beijing Architecture Design Institution,and also planning to go abroad for further education.I faddled maybe we would marry someday.He seemed to be bothered by her daughter's marriage.The photo was so-so,and he managed it by PS,seemed not too bad,despite of my depressed smile.
Arrived at Beijing Children's Palace again to meet Fu Yang.When I was 6 years old I learnt art there.Some pictures exhibited outside remainded me the vague impression at my early age.as one part of Forbidden City,the landscape there was agreeable.We took some photos to keep our memories.
Back to campus.Cheng Shuyi was frigid to me,since I was not content with his behaviour towards Jack.He was revenging,made me prepared to resist the next storm in our dorm.
Stayed in dorm to complete the book,and felt into sleep again.That must be the symptom of loneliness.Surfed internet,Zhao Ge left me a messeage,which asked me to read the alumni.Bastard Liu Fei uploaded some photos taken when we were in senior one in high school.Vainly attempted to remind us his contributions?Or to announce his love to the class which had no relationship with him?To challenge my friendship with the classmates,if I still had have any friendship with them?Childish nonsense.
Judy asked me if all the 226 books had been covered.indeed.She questioned if every book was worthy to cover.I said Ads has been prevailing for over one century even though it only owned 50% successful cases.But the issue was:you would never know which half was the prosperous part.So as reading books.The question has been asked time to time since I was a kid,and the response is always as pale as my eye,crammed with helplessness.
All the fucking tough affairs were like the impassable frontier to baffle me from my dream.However,I would not surrender to so-called destiny yet.
Nov.4th
The first day to executive my new plan.Because of the lack of sleepness,up late again.Took a little discount of my schedule,whereas accomplished most.Didn't have lunch,since with nobody's company.An awkward excuse.But actually,it seems that no place tolerated me.
Went back to 405 room,3#,my former classroom.The rarely vacant room had been dominated by myself for all the evening.Pick up the chalk,intended to write sth,as usual.No word jumped out from my brain.A complete failure.I read Nietzsche's,just spoiled myself into the philosophy,for all the evening.
Mum gave me a call after dinner,asked me why I was not back home.I didn't say any words to express my indignity,just deal with it in chillness.Promised her to come back earlier for purchase and VISA.The schooling life lasting 3 weeks is likely to end up.
Isolated from everyone.Read books,went shopping,had meals.Avoided to talk with anyone,stayed into dark to appreciate the lorn scene.Autumn's step seized everyone's eyes.The road was performing the episode called"solitude".If I have possessed the gift of composing,I will compose my requiem performed for my mourning.Shit,it seemed a long time stalling my poems writing.
Nov.5th
Alone for all day.Started to be acquainted with the life led by myself.
Went to the Foreign Language Reading Room,viewed Businessweek and The Economists.Prefered Businessweek,with deep thinking and sharp ideas.Tried some exercises on TEM 8,the time was limited,though the result was not bad,correct answers took 19/25 in all,much better than I firstly got touch with IELTS.
Took a shower in order to stimulate myself for the next day's interview-------Hua Wei and CITS.Then stayed at dorm to wait for Tian Yi from Tian Jin,with the book on PR.
As long as I finished the book and was about to search info of the two companies,Judy asked me to pick her up from the subway station at 22 o'clock.When I got there,discovered she was not alone,with an old American chackled all the time.I was frozened while he was talking on Aids with great passion.Gosh...
The hands was pained,and sb touched me deeply.
Xue Chao left a message said he asked his ex to seek girls for me.Seemed like a thirsty pimp~~~~~~
Zhao Ge asked me my point of view of the affair on alumni.I couldn't believe the man who quarrelled with us would regret for what he did.I'd rather considered it as his parade.
Ge,you should come to my campus as soon as possible,the strong wind will blow the autumn away in the near future.
2.I decided to note my thought and experience in English.I can accustom myself the usage of active words,and the content also can be neglected by my parents' peer.Fu Yang said she would not visit my website again if I wrote my dairy in English.Pls forgive me my friends,I have to do sth for my future as well as current situation.The dairy will be created as a new post in my blog every time.Of course,All the change is just probation version,whose influence is to be observed and checked.
3.Composed a new post in Xiao Meng Poem Forum to resign from the administrator position.No reason,although in oppressive grief.
4.Fear.Nietzsche said if you can be conscious of the pleasure and joviality when you are deeply trapped into fear,you are in Dionysos spirit,which knows the tragedy of life well and treats it with positive attitude.He chases for the new height to look down the world,and expire by himself.That's the edge of madness,which addicts myself into.That should be my desire.
5.Juventus's 109 year-old birthday. Alessandro Del Piero's 200th goal in Juventus,as well as Piero's 32-year-old birthday's coming on 9th Nov.The only auspiciouses I could be delighted with.making a break of 8 win,the road returning to Serie A was not tough as our imagination.The team I have backed up for proximately 12 years is the only faith has never betrayed me yet.Forza Bianconeri.
6.My plan was executived not bad,since it's only two days passed.Hoping for the long-term endeavor.I will go back home in advance next week.Preparation for overseas education has been started up now.At least,it can decline my consciousness of solitude.
7.Jacob and Tracy become sweetie now;Zhao Ge and Gu Xu is concerning each other serenely;my younger sisters are deeply in love with their Mr rights.I am gratified owing to their happiness.Nevertheless,where are you,my beloved.